What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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