we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
