No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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