About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
