You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
