And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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