This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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