How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
