she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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