Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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