oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
