I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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