Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
this just has baby written all over it
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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