just survived the first fart of the relationship.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
