operation have a gay friend backfired
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
