Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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