No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
