We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
