i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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