Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
