I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My cat gives me a boner
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
