I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
