so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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