dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
