her vagina looked like bernie madoff
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
