vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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