Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
