I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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