Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
