Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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