she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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