I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
