whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
