Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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