All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
