sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
porn star boner night. come get it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
