I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
