you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
