i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
