People with herpes should wear stickers.
my being single is dangerous.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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