I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
