Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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