seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
