So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
