The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
