i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
