thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
