If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
