In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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