ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
