It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
