The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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